Big Changes

Mar. 9th, 2010 02:14 pm
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Backstory:
I recently attended Convocation.org in Troy, MI. For those who are familiar with my journal I've posted about this con before and it is never a walk through the park. This time around proved to be just as challenging and growth oriented.

This years focus was on the tarot card “The Tower”. The quick and simple of it is the destruction of the things we have built up and clearing ground for new things.

It's not uncommon for regular convocation goers to experience the theme of the card of that year throughout their life for that year. This year was no exception from this for me. My life had been pretty thoroughly turned upside down and shaken to bits a few times over.

The end ritual at the end of convocation to signify the end of the tower was very powerful. A few weeks later there is then another ritual to finalize the switch over to the next card “The Star”.

What this means now:
A little under 3 weeks ago I had a moderately stable job and an idea of how to migrate slowly away from it. I have received news this past Thursday that in 3-6 months depending on the hiring process my job will be phased out. This means that I will be out of a job.

My original plan had included slowly switching over to being a professional DJ until I could finally support myself with it full time. The change of plans has left me rather amiss and overall disoriented. It's hard to decide what to do.

I seem to have 3 main options available to me at this moment. They are:
  • Find a new job in the field of IT. (Downside: There is an oversaturated market of IT folks)(Upside: Healthcare, Higher initial pay, potential job security)
  • Pursue the professional DJ track full force and dedicate all my effort to that. (Downside potential poverty/joblessness/no healthcare)(Upside: Its something I love doing, There are signs showing there is a large demand for what I am going for, Substantially better hours, Eventually could be making large sums of money working full time)
  • Try to pursue a balance of the two. (Downside: Lack of resources would lead to a half assed result and has strong potential of failure due to lack of concetration of time/energy)(Upside: If one fails I have the slim possibility of being abl to use the other to stablize and recover myself)

At this point I am at a loss of what I am going to do. However I thought it would be worth at least recording that this is the dilemma I am in.

I am hoping to update again soon, but for now here is your yearly Alexa update :P

TTYAL
-Alexa
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Over the years I have sold my soul off for money and stability.

There was no summoning some demon or devil. No signing a contract in blood. Nor pentagrams or candles. No dark ritualistic sacrifice. 

I will tell you what there was though. 

There was a desperate girl, trying to pay for transition in any way possible. There was a knowledge of computers and technology that came so quickly and easily that it was as if breathing.

I sold my dreams, my heart and soul in an attempt to stabilize my life and make it so that I could earn enough income to support myself and one day maybe buy back my dreams.

When I first started doing computers professionally I could feel the draw on my life, on my passions. I refused to take money for doing any sort of computer work when I was learning because it felt wrong. My calling in this life is not, and I highly doubt ever will be to do computers. 

Here is the thing. I am tired of selling my soul. I am taking back my life by force, and it will by mine again. I will sell who I am no longer.

As part of this I am going to be resigning from IT and pursuing my dreams where they take me.

You can't reach for the stars if your too afraid to let go and look up. 

My official resignation won't be until probably in July or August(Edit: Looks to be more around August-Sept). From that point however much I have saved up will be my travel money. 

I have no set destination or goals beyond this. I have a few stopping points that I am looking at. If you want me to visit you and your out of state(or even in state) speak up and I'll try to put you on my path. 

My first end point is looking to be possibly a few stops on the east coast. Then from there heading south to Florida. I'll be there however long things go. Then I am heading out west more likely than not. 

So that is all for now. I figured it is going to be important that I chronicle my travels and feelings behind this move. 

~Alexa


Edited: 02/23/09
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
 I was thinking about making some pointed remark, or political commentary. Perhaps even trying to make a point about one thing or another.

All I can think about though, as the time of the original attack is comming near, is a great deal of respect and sorrow for the events that have happened.

Those who died, I mourn you. I may have not had the chance to meet you, but you have affected this nation deeper than few people have in so short a time.

I can only hope that we've had enough blood, enough hate, enough loss, and that we can stand up and make something better of ourselves from our wounds.

If you have not done so already when you read this, please take a moment of silence for what has happened.

Thank you
-Alexa

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