child_of_the_fae: (Default)
I wanted to take a moment to discuss my method for grounding. This was brought about from a post by Meirya about non-standard energy bodies. (Found here )

So in the post there are a number of differences brought up about energy bodies, including overproduction/energy need/etc. Even placement of non-standard body parts. However one thing occurred to me in the list of non-standard energy bodies that I felt that was particularly relevant to me. Methods of grounding.

Most individuals with standard bodies that I've come across do some basic natural form of grounding. They don't need to worry about what they do with their excess energy. It generally just sinks down through the natural flow and their energy will balance over time without intervention. Even if their systems are highly taxed and overloaded, they generally will establish an equilibrium in time without too much ado.

Myself? I don't have a natural/standard energy body. Even more so, my energy doesn't ground in the physical. This means that attempting to ground my energy into the physical just results in a bunch of wonky and uncomfortable feelings as I attempt to function and fail. There are times that I can force the energy through, but it usually heavily taxes me, puts me in energetic need, and will even cause nerve burn if I'm not careful.

Over time as I became aware of my awakening I started experimenting with different forms of grounding. The first being the standard grounding which went about as well as shoving a piece of clay into solid concrete and expecting it to sink in. Eventually I came across two methods that worked sort of moderately well were grounding "sidewise" through my connections to people, and the other being that I grounded into the "other/backwards" which involved sending the excess energy to what I experience as the "what I came from". Neither of these were particularly efficient, but it was certainly better than nothing.

This still left me with extremely ineffective and problematic grounding, but just a bit better than non-existent. This led to a slew of problems, including not being able to be around large groups of people and energy workers. If I was lucky I would have a person with good grounding near me who I was friends with, but couldn't always count on it.

There was a lot of unpleasantness in this phase of learning. I regularly overloaded my system and burned out as I attempted to establish some semblance of control. I was able to overcome these problems slowly with a lot of focus and training, but it took an very distinct and focused effort in order to gain the basic abilities that most people had naturally.

Fortunately eventually with the assistance of a friend who was familiar with my specific energy system I was directed to a form of grounding they referred to as "Skying". It essentially involved taking one's excess energy and directing through the crown/head area. I had actually been told about this process early on in my awakening, but I found it to be highly ineffective. This year though I learned that there was actually a problem in how I was executing the technique. I was attempting to apply another persons paradigm and I couldn't integrate it into my own way of working with energy. Eventually my friend was able to walk me through skying in a way that fit my paradigm . I was very quite surprised to then find that skying was one of the most effective forms of grounding that I had experienced and has since become an integral piece in my grounding regime.

I had essentially given up on skying because every time I had tried it there was no improvement and didn't work for me in the way I was using it. Had my friend not persisted in walking through the new approach I probably would have lost out on an exceptionally useful and necessarily skill as an energy worker.

If I had one lesson to take away from this for others reading this, it's don't be afraid to experiment in a controlled fashion and try different methods if what your working with now is ineffective.

There are certain abilities that are absolute essentials and necessary for sensitives such as grounding/shielding/centering. Without these we're very vulnerable. So if you find your grounding isn't work, or your shielding isn't helping it's time to ask yourself why and see what can be done to improve the focus of those abilities.
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
One of the most profound things that I've learned in my course of transitioning is this.

Transitioning is the process of making peace with yourself.

This means that it's not about what surgeries you do, what pills you take, or what clothes you wear. Deep down it's a consolidation of your life, cleaning out the things that make distress, and making peace with the ones you can't change.

People could have (and have for that matter) told me this face until they were blue in the face. The problem is it's something that needs to be realized on one's own. Sure a person can help point in the right direction, but deep down it has to be done by oneself. You still need to walk your own steps.

We all go through transitions in life. Hell the very definition is:


1.movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.
I guess what it comes down to, is what does a person need to make peace? Being a transsexual by definition is to be in conflict with what gives them life, their own body. Reading further into this, it puts the person at conflict with life itself during the time when it's not reconciled as they are fighting their own symbol of being alive. 

In time with the the individual making peace with themselves, things reach a balance point. Where the bad about the physical, and the opinions about it, are either matched in equal or outweighed by the positive. This in turn brings about peace, a conquering, or at least a submission of the self hatred and pain that results in being in such opposition with the self.

The core problem to this process is this though. It's very easy when not in pain to forget the source of why one felt pain in the first place. When a person has reached a good enough point in life where they are no longer struggling, there are still those around who are facing a similar struggle.

I've been asked why I don't keep in the closet about being trans, why I am not "stealth"

The answer use to be that I was upset with the potential of ever being to fit in as a "normal" woman. I felt that it was a hopeless battle, and I was just trying to make peace with myself as best I could.

In time I've found ways to comfortably fit within society and for all intensive purposes go through society as a woman who never had these problems. 

I have a different reason for being out now though. That is because I feel that we in the transgender community need to be open about being such, so that those who are either less fortunate or at least just beginning can have some form of direction and guidance. 

Without those in the know in the community, I would have been helpless trying to reteach myself the habits and behaviors that show a person for being either femme or masculine. I don't hide myself for the sake that there were people out there that I looked up to who I saw that could be easily recognized as female, but had similar problems to myself. They helped me find the strenght, just by knowing they exist to persue what I felt I needed to in order to feel right. 

So i guess in summary, I am here and out because hiding will do no good in the end.



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September 2012

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