child_of_the_fae: (Default)

I've gone through a lot of crazy these in my life. I mean truly honestly batshit "what the hell" type experiences. I've lost an older sibling at age six walking in on him being dead. I've been in a house raid with AK-47's and AR's all over the place. I've been in a number of serious car crashes without a scratch. I went to nearly as many high schools as years in high school. I have traveled tens of thousands of miles in my life. I have performed on stage, and I've even transcended the lines between gender to follow what I feel was the right route for me.

In all these experiences, of all these crazy things that usually should only occur in books or television I've found that the most exciting and envigorating thing I've come across yet is riding motorcycle. It is truly unique and also probably one of the hardest and scariest things I've ever undertaken. It is sometimes said that no sane man or woman would EVER decide to ride a motorcycle and continue to do it. In all honesty I believe that this is an accurate statement. The choice to ride a motorcycle is -not- a logical one no matter how one defends it.

Yet here I feel a calling to ride one. There is an inherently emotional factor to it. It is extremely dangerous though, regardless of emotional attachment. Thousands of people die every year on a motorcycle, either due to intoxication, error, or otherwise some sort of factor. Getting on a motorcycle and truly being aware of the risk means being aware that you are risking your life.

As I've said though, riding a motorcycle has been one of the most strongly impacting factors on my life to date. It routed a discipline in me that I've very rarely exercised on anything else. I can count the number of times on one hand that I have willingly sat down and studied a piece of literature with everything I had to make sure I assimilated it all. It calls me from being so recluse in my current living arrangement and to step outside and reconnect with nature. It has even been a social equalizer and has made tremendous bounds in balancing my social anxiety and feelings in regards to that. When you have ridden at 45MPH with only a few inches to spare between yourself and the ground, it really puts in perspective the world we live in.  

I've heard stories of people going into the armed forces and being transformed by it. Likewise there are many other venues and other experiences people have undergone to experience a similar catharsis and refinement of personality. However I have to say that for me right now riding motorcycle is simply and purely the most "right" thing for me to do that I know.

If nearly any friend of mine walked up to me and asked me if I wanted them to start riding motorcycle, I would look them square in the eye and tell them absolutely not. In the same line of action though, if they still went through it, I would welcome them to the community with open arms as a fellow rider as others have done for me.

I am rambling on now, but if i had to leave with a message it would be if you want to be a rider, do it for you and not a single other person.

/ramble

TTYAL
-Alexa
 


child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Good Gravy I seriously need to get a routine down so I don't have these seemingly huge chunks in between my post.

So here is the quick quick version of whats going on in my life.

*In two weeks I'll be putting in my one month resignation where I currently work
*After much hard work this past weekend I managed to receive my motorcycle endorsement
*on the same note I also purchased my first bike, I'll be putting up a picture of my girl soon.
*I completely broke my bank account for a bit to do the above, but it was so so worth it.(and yes I have proper gear)
*unrelated to bike I have a new g/f officially now. Her name is Chrystal, she is a sweetheart. (for those wondering, It's a poly arrangement)
*My birthday went fantastic earlier thanks to many wonderful friends and Family.
*I updated the firmware on my phone to 3.0.

I think this summarizes my life pretty quickly and well. A few upcoming points
*Might have a performance in august doing a voudeville type thing
*another potential performance at Pagan Pride
*potentially working at Mich Ren Fest this year(hopefully).
*I have two hopeful places to crash during my interim before leaving mid-october. This is good.
*I need to downsize my stuff substantially, people who wish to help contact me.

Thats all for now folks. Maybe I'll quit being lazy soon and actually post something beyond just quick quick summaries.


BTW this is my new bike. <3


Thats all for now
TTYAL
-Alexa

child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Well here I am sitting in my living room eating a bowl of fruit and reflecting on everything that has happened in the past few days.

For those of you not following me on facebook or twitter I reached the event safely and returned ok.

The sheer number of everything that happened has been rather overhwelming in the best way. Although unfortunately it makes it a bit difficult to summarize properly. So as has been my style with conventions and events where too much has happened to capture it all I am going to try to put together some of the key points.


I am going to go ahead and start this off with my accomplishments that I managed this Gather:

*I didn't explode, not only this, but I actually managed to stay in a semblance of shielded and grounded and maintain my ability to be aware of those around me.  This is certainly not finished, but it is by far the best I've done in this ever.

*Connecting to the above post, as a result of being grounded and in control of my senses to a degree I was able to minimize my awkward social accidents. This once again was a monumental change from the past.

*I got cuddles, and not just a little cuddles, but oh my holy god where did all the people come from type cuddles. And it was something that was a near constant whenever I wanted them. In connection to this I seem to have had a hand in them manifesting somehow, but this will take time to experiment with and understand on a more in depth level.

*there are many other points but really I the core of it is I've made a lot of progress energenically and I am happy about this.


Now onto points about the Gather as a whole:
*Consuite was FTW. Seriously there is this girl who is a member of HK who was head of making it into something awesome. Someone give her major props cause she kicked ass this year. I was really happy about it.

*The scheduling was really well done as well. All those involved, y'all kicked ass.

*I have to say I was really impressed with how peaceful this Gather was. Everyone got along really well and as a general rule there was a minimum of drama. Quite amazing.

*The hotel has only gotten better as a pick for the Gather and they're extremely welcoming to everyone and not even reacting to the variety of individuals who attended.

------


I am going to have to cut this post a bit short as I need to get running to the club. However there will be another post coming up with highlight stories. Thanks to all those of you who were there and made this amazing, and those who wanted to be but couldn't make it you were definitely missed and hope to see you next year :).
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Over the years I have sold my soul off for money and stability.

There was no summoning some demon or devil. No signing a contract in blood. Nor pentagrams or candles. No dark ritualistic sacrifice. 

I will tell you what there was though. 

There was a desperate girl, trying to pay for transition in any way possible. There was a knowledge of computers and technology that came so quickly and easily that it was as if breathing.

I sold my dreams, my heart and soul in an attempt to stabilize my life and make it so that I could earn enough income to support myself and one day maybe buy back my dreams.

When I first started doing computers professionally I could feel the draw on my life, on my passions. I refused to take money for doing any sort of computer work when I was learning because it felt wrong. My calling in this life is not, and I highly doubt ever will be to do computers. 

Here is the thing. I am tired of selling my soul. I am taking back my life by force, and it will by mine again. I will sell who I am no longer.

As part of this I am going to be resigning from IT and pursuing my dreams where they take me.

You can't reach for the stars if your too afraid to let go and look up. 

My official resignation won't be until probably in July or August(Edit: Looks to be more around August-Sept). From that point however much I have saved up will be my travel money. 

I have no set destination or goals beyond this. I have a few stopping points that I am looking at. If you want me to visit you and your out of state(or even in state) speak up and I'll try to put you on my path. 

My first end point is looking to be possibly a few stops on the east coast. Then from there heading south to Florida. I'll be there however long things go. Then I am heading out west more likely than not. 

So that is all for now. I figured it is going to be important that I chronicle my travels and feelings behind this move. 

~Alexa


Edited: 02/23/09

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