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*****DISCLAIMER*******I would like to draw a line of difference in the sand before I continue with this article. When I am referring to predatory 'kin types, I am talking about those who are identified as say jaguars, or a type of creature that stalked/hunted for its food. What I am NOT talking about are those who purposefully hurt others or subjugate others. There unfortunately may occasionally be some overlap as occurs in any community and those who hurt others, but I consider these two explicitly separate groups and will only be addressing predatory kin types within this article. *****DISCLAIMER*******

Today I want to talk about a topic I haven't seen addressed very much among the otherkin communities. I've seen it discussed briefly in some places but the conversation is usually either brought off topic or is shut down for being too risque. Mostly due to unfortunate miscommunications or differing definitions.

Take this scenario, your walking down the street, just coming from lunch. The meal was nice but energetically your in need and haven't fed in long enough to feel quite famished. The area around you is moderately populated. Today has been a bit tricky and it's taking focus to keep in a human mindset. Someone walks out in front of you a few meters away, walking away from you. Their energy is a match, you can tell from the traces in the air that it would be delicious. The person starts acting a bit spooked and they're giving off just a faint air of fear. Maybe they even start walking away just a little bit faster. Suddenly there is practically a meal in front of you. There is the taste of what it would be like to bite in, your mouth starts watering, your claws and teeth might start feeling a lot more present, your legs start feeling twitchy and ready to sprint, and all you want is to chase down your prey and feel your teeth and claws sinking into flesh and rending, to eat that sustenance you need. Queue a few deep breaths, shielding/grounding, and a few minuscule twitches of muscle with the effort to not sprint or show this wave of feelings. Then we're back to walking down the street, no one the wiser for this wave except for maybe a vague sense of unease in the other person.

This may seem like a disturbing story for some, but quite frankly it is a day in the life for some 'kin types that are predatory / underfed. This topic is important to talk about because these feelings can become very strong, and creating healthy coping mechanisms are essential for proper integration into society and saving these people a decent amount of pain/discomfort.

Unfortunately no single coping mechanism can be applied for all individuals, but there are certain general steps that can be taken to help face this and work out specific coping mechanisms. Below are a few basic steps that people who are struggling with these issues can take to help manage these feelings.

!) Most importantly if you are feeling out of control or that you may pose a danger to others, seek professional help immediately. Therapists are trained on how to assist and guide people in difficult or complex emotional states. Preferably find one that you feel comfortable being honest and open with about the emotions that your feeling. Pluses are professionals who have experience in the spiritual or issues with otherkin.

1) Relaxation/Release - Throughout these experiences keeping control in public space is extremely important. As part of this a step you can take is to learn self soothing techniques for when you've become agitated or heavily shifted. There are multiple different ways of going about this, and the specifics aren't so much important than the end goal. Some example things you can practice to help come down from an agitated state:

a) Meditation
b) Breathing Practices
b) Yoga
c) Running
d) Just about any exercise that involves exertion/concentration

There are countless other possibilities for what you can do to help come down from the state, but those are just a few basics.

2) Grounding/Center - It's going to be important to understand various energy work basics when dealing with these things. Part of this is going to be being able to ground out excess energy and maintain a sense of center when things flair up strongly. I don't think this section will be appropriate for explaining the details of how to do grounding/centering, but I'll be writing an article specifically on those practices.

3) Self Analysis - Take time to start learning what it is that triggers you, what it is that you need, and also what the drives specifically feel like for you. This leads up to ...

4) Energetic Need - if one of your triggers is being underfed or have other energetic needs not being met then your going to need to take time to understand what it is that you need and how it can be met. This can be a tricky process and it can sometimes take people years if not decades to figure out because energetic need can be dynamic and change over time.

5) Expression Time - This particular point is something that has taken me quite a while to start figuring out and is still rather tricky. Quite simply certain 'kin can experience detriment or degradation over time if they don't give themselves time to shift or express their kin type. Some have described the experience of waiting too long akin to having the color of the world fade out around them, others tend to experience malaise or other symptoms. Another common one is the individual will start experiencing overall destabilization in their energy and emotion. The process of expression is something that should be considered especially important for those who have to maintain a solid face of humanity in day to day life. Unfortunately the process of expression is unique to each individual and is difficult to generalize. A few ideas of safe environments to start you off:

a) If your the stalking 'kin type an example idea would be laser tag. Also if your morals line up with it don't rule out taking up hunting if its a legal option in your state.

b) Some expressions can be done with an individual that you trust. Such as chasing frisbee's, balls, chew toys, etc.

c) It doesn't allow as much of an energetic release but certain video games can work for some.

d) Various forms of Martial Arts.

e) In some situations negotiated play acting/role play with someone can be an acceptable release. Be sure to keep it safe/sane/consensual.

You will likely find other methods that are much more suited to you. These are only meant to help start the brain storming process.

In summary being a predatory 'kin type in todays society can be very difficult. Especially as today's society can be rather restrictive feeling and not provide many healthy outlets for these feelings and drives. I hope that some of these ideas have helped provide you with some ideas to manage your own drives if your a predatory 'kin type, or if your a friend of someone who is a predatory 'kin type that it helps you understand their behavior or reactions to some things.

Please feel free to leave feedback on any additions you would have liked to see in this article or any questions you have about the content matter.

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In my work towards self discovery and understanding few things have been as rewarding as failing. I imagine that this could be considered a controversial topic, but it is something I've found very rarely discussed and to at least myself to be exceptionally important.

When I first started awakening I explored a large number of different communities, tried on different roles/ideas. Other times I would explore a brand new concept of how to work with energy, or try to mix and match various ideas to see which stuck to the wall. This was an overwhelmingly chaotic time in my life as a result that spanned nearly a decade.

The vast majority of the things that I tried were not right for me, and in many cases were just plain wrong or incorrect. The important part of this is that even though I made all these mistakes, I made a point to learn from them. In fact most of my spirituality can be summed up with a simplified form of the scientific method.

1) Collect data
2) Form Hypothesis
3) Test hypothesis
4) Review

This methodology served as an overall guide to finding what was not a fit for me. As a result this also helped me work closer to what IS a fit. The downside to this method is that I have crashed and burned. A LOT. In fact enough times that I have completely ruined friendships and connections with various communities. At the same time I am a significantly more balanced individual as a result of everything I went through and learned.

However had situations been different and the people that I was interacting with understood the process being worked through I likely would have caused much less damage than I did. It's important that we all keep in mind as a community that the process of individuation is a highly chaotic one. It is also a process that requires exceptional levels of compassion as people figure out something that can come across as obnoxious, obvious, or frustrating.

What I recommend for the community is that as we see various people going through these stages that we make a point to approach them with an educated and compassionate mindset. We have each experienced our own process and were not born adults with full understanding of this world. It can be frustrating to see someone struggle to learn, but its important and something that we should all take time to understand better.

Remember those awakening today will be helping make our community of tomorrow.
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I wanted to take a moment to discuss my method for grounding. This was brought about from a post by Meirya about non-standard energy bodies. (Found here )

So in the post there are a number of differences brought up about energy bodies, including overproduction/energy need/etc. Even placement of non-standard body parts. However one thing occurred to me in the list of non-standard energy bodies that I felt that was particularly relevant to me. Methods of grounding.

Most individuals with standard bodies that I've come across do some basic natural form of grounding. They don't need to worry about what they do with their excess energy. It generally just sinks down through the natural flow and their energy will balance over time without intervention. Even if their systems are highly taxed and overloaded, they generally will establish an equilibrium in time without too much ado.

Myself? I don't have a natural/standard energy body. Even more so, my energy doesn't ground in the physical. This means that attempting to ground my energy into the physical just results in a bunch of wonky and uncomfortable feelings as I attempt to function and fail. There are times that I can force the energy through, but it usually heavily taxes me, puts me in energetic need, and will even cause nerve burn if I'm not careful.

Over time as I became aware of my awakening I started experimenting with different forms of grounding. The first being the standard grounding which went about as well as shoving a piece of clay into solid concrete and expecting it to sink in. Eventually I came across two methods that worked sort of moderately well were grounding "sidewise" through my connections to people, and the other being that I grounded into the "other/backwards" which involved sending the excess energy to what I experience as the "what I came from". Neither of these were particularly efficient, but it was certainly better than nothing.

This still left me with extremely ineffective and problematic grounding, but just a bit better than non-existent. This led to a slew of problems, including not being able to be around large groups of people and energy workers. If I was lucky I would have a person with good grounding near me who I was friends with, but couldn't always count on it.

There was a lot of unpleasantness in this phase of learning. I regularly overloaded my system and burned out as I attempted to establish some semblance of control. I was able to overcome these problems slowly with a lot of focus and training, but it took an very distinct and focused effort in order to gain the basic abilities that most people had naturally.

Fortunately eventually with the assistance of a friend who was familiar with my specific energy system I was directed to a form of grounding they referred to as "Skying". It essentially involved taking one's excess energy and directing through the crown/head area. I had actually been told about this process early on in my awakening, but I found it to be highly ineffective. This year though I learned that there was actually a problem in how I was executing the technique. I was attempting to apply another persons paradigm and I couldn't integrate it into my own way of working with energy. Eventually my friend was able to walk me through skying in a way that fit my paradigm . I was very quite surprised to then find that skying was one of the most effective forms of grounding that I had experienced and has since become an integral piece in my grounding regime.

I had essentially given up on skying because every time I had tried it there was no improvement and didn't work for me in the way I was using it. Had my friend not persisted in walking through the new approach I probably would have lost out on an exceptionally useful and necessarily skill as an energy worker.

If I had one lesson to take away from this for others reading this, it's don't be afraid to experiment in a controlled fashion and try different methods if what your working with now is ineffective.

There are certain abilities that are absolute essentials and necessary for sensitives such as grounding/shielding/centering. Without these we're very vulnerable. So if you find your grounding isn't work, or your shielding isn't helping it's time to ask yourself why and see what can be done to improve the focus of those abilities.
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So I happened to get some downtime during my various travels and in the spirit to encourage writing even if not directly working on my book I decided to take a moment to throw together this post.
Recently a friend of mine asked me to give some serious consideration to doing a class on glamour. I was originally quite surprised to receive the request because although I have spent time studying the subject matter and have it ingrained in my system I had some remaining doubts as to my ability to correctly represent and describe it. After a bit of discussion and some deep thought I finally decided that it would be worthwhile to attempt pursuing the class idea.

When it comes down to glamour it becomes very tricky to define. In part because it acts like many other pre-existing abilities but it remains separate from them. At very first glance glamour contains the qualities of projective empathy, constructs, and even certain aspects of telepathy. That's an awful lot of things to be "sort-of" similar to. I was forced to ask the question "why does this subject need an identification of its own?"

Through a good deal of review I've come up with at least a base idea of what glamour is and why it needs it's own classification. The first part of this was identifying what glamour is NOT. I took a side by side comparison to projective empathy for example as what makes them separate. For starters projective empathy tends to be limited to emotions or at best base concepts within a restricted projection area and or through pre-existing links. Glamour differs from this in that the projection is usually more tied to perception of the environment, up to an including manipulation of how that individual responds to the projection. Additionally one does not have to be within the projection range of the glamour to be affected by it, nor does the affected individuals need to be connected to the individual producing the glamour.

This is not to say that there is not a certain level of cross over. There are times that projective empathy can intersect with glamour and likewise back. However primarily glamour is an ability within its own right that directly or indirectly impacts perception. I do believe there are also many circumstances where the previously mentioned abilities are confused for glamour but are in fact not directly related.

My free time is up so time to go, but some food for thought on defining what is and is not glamour.
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What inspired you to move to DW?
Honestly I felt that I had too much baggage with my old Journal. I often got lost in trying to read all the friend lists and also not offend people with what writings I did. That caution led to me being less willing to actually followup with writing and just get it done. Not to mention I wanted to move away from my old identity online and create and follow something that was more of a reflection of who I am today.

Why did you choose the name "child_of_the_fae?"
In part I felt that this would give me a new alias that I have not used before. Additionally I have always identified with the concept of being the offspring and descendants of energies we are a part of. This includes dealings with fae, deity, and many other things. I have even gone so far as to call a follower of a deity as the child of that deity at times. Especially if that individual feels to me that they have deeply embraced the energy and meaning behind that deity.

With all that in mind is seemed only a natural progression to identify and follow through with embracing my identity and kinship with the fae.

What do you mean exactly when you say "the Fae?"
I am referring to a collective of entities and spirits that are commonly referred to as various types of faeries. This includes sidhe, goblins, sprites, pixies, hobgoblins, bogarts, brownies, and many many more. I refer to them as a species as someone would refer to humanity as a species, but with separates races within. I view it as an extremely dynamic and complex ecosystem and could not cover all of them if I tried. What I will say is that I view myself as an extension of the fae as one who has the spirit of the fae within.

Are you planning on posting regularly then?
I am intending on attempting to post on a weekly to bi-weekly basis. If I happen to get particularly energetic I might write more, but I want to focus on my book primarily and use this blog as a space to conjecture, rant, rave, and overall share ideas to people I find interesting.

I think that summarizes some of my core thoughts for now and I intend to follow up with more later.


Mar. 3rd, 2011 04:11 pm
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So this all in all is pretty surreal. A year after it's first release I now own an iPad. On top of that the interface is extremely smooth and I'm able to actually conveniently access LJ. This more likely than not means I may start updating substantially more often. Though I wouldn't be surprised to see these posts continue with the shortened output. I would also begging to expect more media related posts including videos and pictures. For now though I am going to get my butt back to work. Catch up with you all later.


Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

child_of_the_fae: (Default)
 Alright I am going to steal an article and post it here. You can find the original here

Why I won't buy an iPad (and think you shouldn't, either)
Cory Doctorow at 5:23 AM April 2, 2010

I've spent ten years now on Boing Boing, finding cool things that people have done and made and writing about them. Most of the really exciting stuff hasn't come from big corporations with enormous budgets, it's come from experimentalist amateurs. These people were able to make stuff and put it in the public's eye and even sell it without having to submit to the whims of a single company that had declared itself gatekeeper for your phone and other personal technology.

Danny O'Brien does a very good job of explaining why I'm completely uninterested in buying an iPad -- it really feels like the second coming of the CD-ROM "revolution" in which "content" people proclaimed that they were going to remake media by producing expensive (to make and to buy) products. I was a CD-ROM programmer at the start of my tech career, and I felt that excitement, too, and lived through it to see how wrong I was, how open platforms and experimental amateurs would eventually beat out the spendy, slick pros.

I remember the early days of the web -- and the last days of CD ROM -- when there was this mainstream consensus that the web and PCs were too durned geeky and difficult and unpredictable for "my mom" (it's amazing how many tech people have an incredibly low opinion of their mothers). If I had a share of AOL for every time someone told me that the web would die because AOL was so easy and the web was full of garbage, I'd have a lot of AOL shares.

And they wouldn't be worth much.

Incumbents made bad revolutionaries
Relying on incumbents to produce your revolutions is not a good strategy. They're apt to take all the stuff that makes their products great and try to use technology to charge you extra for it, or prohibit it altogether.

I mean, look at that Marvel app (just look at it). I was a comic-book kid, and I'm a comic-book grownup, and the thing that made comics for me was sharing them. If there was ever a medium that relied on kids swapping their purchases around to build an audience, it was comics. And the used market for comics! It was -- and is -- huge, and vital. I can't even count how many times I've gone spelunking in the used comic-bins at a great and musty store to find back issues that I'd missed, or sample new titles on the cheap. (It's part of a multigenerational tradition in my family -- my mom's father used to take her and her sibs down to Dragon Lady Comics on Queen Street in Toronto every weekend to swap their old comics for credit and get new ones).

So what does Marvel do to "enhance" its comics? They take away the right to give, sell or loan your comics. What an improvement. Way to take the joyous, marvellous sharing and bonding experience of comic reading and turn it into a passive, lonely undertaking that isolates, rather than unites. Nice one, Misney.

Infantalizing hardware
Then there's the device itself: clearly there's a lot of thoughtfulness and smarts that went into the design. But there's also a palpable contempt for the owner. I believe -- really believe -- in the stirring words of the Maker Manifesto: if you can't open it, you don't own it. Screws not glue. The original Apple ][+ came with schematics for the circuit boards, and birthed a generation of hardware and software hackers who upended the world for the better. If you wanted your kid to grow up to be a confident, entrepreneurial, and firmly in the camp that believes that you should forever be rearranging the world to make it better, you bought her an Apple ][+.

But with the iPad, it seems like Apple's model customer is that same stupid stereotype of a technophobic, timid, scatterbrained mother as appears in a billion renditions of "that's too complicated for my mom" (listen to the pundits extol the virtues of the iPad and time how long it takes for them to explain that here, finally, is something that isn't too complicated for their poor old mothers).

The model of interaction with the iPad is to be a "consumer," what William Gibson memorably described as "something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth... no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote."

The way you improve your iPad isn't to figure out how it works and making it better. The way you improve the iPad is to buy iApps. Buying an iPad for your kids isn't a means of jump-starting the realization that the world is yours to take apart and reassemble; it's a way of telling your offspring that even changing the batteries is something you have to leave to the professionals.

Dale Dougherty's piece on Hypercard and its influence on a generation of young hackers is a must-read on this. I got my start as a Hypercard programmer, and it was Hypercard's gentle and intuitive introduction to the idea of remaking the world that made me consider a career in computers.

Wal-Martization of the software channel
And let's look at the iStore. For a company whose CEO professes a hatred of DRM, Apple sure has made DRM its alpha and omega. Having gotten into business with the two industries that most believe that you shouldn't be able to modify your hardware, load your own software on it, write software for it, override instructions given to it by the mothership (the entertainment industry and the phone companies), Apple has defined its business around these principles. It uses DRM to control what can run on your devices, which means that Apple's customers can't take their "iContent" with them to competing devices, and Apple developers can't sell on their own terms.

The iStore lock-in doesn't make life better for Apple's customers or Apple's developers. As an adult, I want to be able to choose whose stuff I buy and whom I trust to evaluate that stuff. I don't want my universe of apps constrained to the stuff that the Cupertino Politburo decides to allow for its platform. And as a copyright holder and creator, I don't want a single, Wal-Mart-like channel that controls access to my audience and dictates what is and is not acceptable material for me to create. The last time I posted about this, we got a string of apologies for Apple's abusive contractual terms for developers, but the best one was, "Did you think that access to a platform where you can make a fortune would come without strings attached?" I read it in Don Corleone's voice and it sounded just right. Of course I believe in a market where competition can take place without bending my knee to a company that has erected a drawbridge between me and my customers!

Journalism is looking for a daddy figure
I think that the press has been all over the iPad because Apple puts on a good show, and because everyone in journalism-land is looking for a daddy figure who'll promise them that their audience will go back to paying for their stuff. The reason people have stopped paying for a lot of "content" isn't just that they can get it for free, though: it's that they can get lots of competing stuff for free, too. The open platform has allowed for an explosion of new material, some of it rough-hewn, some of it slick as the pros, most of it targetted more narrowly than the old media ever managed. Rupert Murdoch can rattle his saber all he likes about taking his content out of Google, but I say do it, Rupert. We'll miss your fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the Web so little that we'll hardly notice it, and we'll have no trouble finding material to fill the void.

Just like the gadget press is full of devices that gadget bloggers need (and that no one else cares about), the mainstream press is full of stories that affirm the internal media consensus. Yesterday's empires do something sacred and vital and most of all grown up, and that other adults will eventually come along to move us all away from the kids' playground that is the wild web, with its amateur content and lack of proprietary channels where exclusive deals can be made. We'll move back into the walled gardens that best return shareholder value to the investors who haven't updated their portfolios since before eTrade came online.

But the real economics of iPad publishing tell a different story: even a stellar iPad sales performance isn't going to do much to stanch the bleeding from traditional publishing. Wishful thinking and a nostalgia for the good old days of lockdown won't bring customers back through the door.

Gadgets come and gadgets go
Gadgets come and gadgets go. The iPad you buy today will be e-waste in a year or two (less, if you decide not to pay to have the battery changed for you). The real issue isn't the capabilities of the piece of plastic you unwrap today, but the technical and social infrastructure that accompanies it.

If you want to live in the creative universe where anyone with a cool idea can make it and give it to you to run on your hardware, the iPad isn't for you.

If you want to live in the fair world where you get to keep (or give away) the stuff you buy, the iPad isn't for you.

If you want to write code for a platform where the only thing that determines whether you're going to succeed with it is whether your audience loves it, the iPad isn't for you.
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Well my friend [ profile] coldironkiss posted this meme and it seemed neat so I am passing it along. You know how these work, fill out in the comments your responses and post in your own blog(if you want). I'll post the meme below the next paragraph.

My next item of business is I am looking for some people to help me throw together some new cute LJ icons. I have plenty of source pictures of me all over the web. Anyone interested? Let me know

0. How did we meet?
i. Are you currently in a serious relationship?
ii. What was your dream growing up?
iii. What talent do you wish you had?
iv. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
v. Favorite vegetable?
vi. What was the last book you read?
vii. What zodiac sign are you?
viii. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
ix. Worst habit?
x. If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride?
xi. What is your favorite sport?
xii. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
xiii. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
xiv. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
xv. Tell me one weird fact about you.
xvi. Do you have any pets?
xvii. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
xviii. What was your first impression of me?
xix. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
xx. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
xxi. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
xxii. What color eyes do you have?
xxiii. Ever been arrested?
xxiv. Bottle or can soda?
xxv. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
xxvi. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
xxvii. Do you believe in ghosts?
xxviii. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
xxix. Do you swear a lot?
xxx. Biggest pet peeve?
xxxi. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
xxxii. Do you believe/appreciate romance?
xxxiii. Favorite and least favorite food?
xxxiv. Do you believe in God?
xxxv. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
xxxvi. Favourite band/s of ALL time?

Big Changes

Mar. 9th, 2010 02:14 pm
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I recently attended in Troy, MI. For those who are familiar with my journal I've posted about this con before and it is never a walk through the park. This time around proved to be just as challenging and growth oriented.

This years focus was on the tarot card “The Tower”. The quick and simple of it is the destruction of the things we have built up and clearing ground for new things.

It's not uncommon for regular convocation goers to experience the theme of the card of that year throughout their life for that year. This year was no exception from this for me. My life had been pretty thoroughly turned upside down and shaken to bits a few times over.

The end ritual at the end of convocation to signify the end of the tower was very powerful. A few weeks later there is then another ritual to finalize the switch over to the next card “The Star”.

What this means now:
A little under 3 weeks ago I had a moderately stable job and an idea of how to migrate slowly away from it. I have received news this past Thursday that in 3-6 months depending on the hiring process my job will be phased out. This means that I will be out of a job.

My original plan had included slowly switching over to being a professional DJ until I could finally support myself with it full time. The change of plans has left me rather amiss and overall disoriented. It's hard to decide what to do.

I seem to have 3 main options available to me at this moment. They are:
  • Find a new job in the field of IT. (Downside: There is an oversaturated market of IT folks)(Upside: Healthcare, Higher initial pay, potential job security)
  • Pursue the professional DJ track full force and dedicate all my effort to that. (Downside potential poverty/joblessness/no healthcare)(Upside: Its something I love doing, There are signs showing there is a large demand for what I am going for, Substantially better hours, Eventually could be making large sums of money working full time)
  • Try to pursue a balance of the two. (Downside: Lack of resources would lead to a half assed result and has strong potential of failure due to lack of concetration of time/energy)(Upside: If one fails I have the slim possibility of being abl to use the other to stablize and recover myself)

At this point I am at a loss of what I am going to do. However I thought it would be worth at least recording that this is the dilemma I am in.

I am hoping to update again soon, but for now here is your yearly Alexa update :P

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I can't really do this review justice. There are a lot better writers out there, and in fact a lot deeper thinkers who have seen this movie and have all done reviews of some sort or another. I've even have the privledge to read a few of these pieces.

When it comes down to it though, I need to take at least a moment to express what I saw in this movie. This is not an in depth review so to say, not in the sense of story anyway. I am going to for the most part completely ignore the characters within the story and most other parts of it.

What I want you to do, is take 5 - 10 seocnds and close your eyes and think about earth if humans never existed. Imagine how many tree's there would be. How untouched the landscape would be. The fierceness of animals between each other, as well as the balance that each death brought life. 

That in a snapshot is the world of Pandora. Ignoring the context of the little blue kittehs and the like, it is it. The core to what makes this movie tic, and in reality I think the part that REALLY captures people. The thing that creates the emotional response of "OMG WANT". It is a longing for this unsullied, undamaged world.

Going deeper into the analysis you can create analogs between the kitteh people(as I can't spell their group unfortunately) and humans. Both at heart are tribal in nature. Both share a connection to the planet they live on. The only difference is that Avatar provides the movie magic to make the connections that are ever present and real, to simply be obvious to those who have not paid attention to them.

Most importantly I think that the longing, the sense of loss after the movie ends. The desire to BE at pandora, to experience the things of the movie. To stay there. These are all factors our own longing to return to a simpler way, yet feeling powerless and stuck where we are. 

Even more so we sympathize so much with what is happening in the story in part because we are the invading culture. Even worse we barely often notice it, and then wonder why we feel so disconnected and lost. When was the last time that any of us truly smelled, saw, tasted, felt the world? Who has taken time to FEEL the world? In my opinion extremely few. Added to this our culture actively pursue's making us disregard our senses for other information that has been processed.

There are further thoughts i had on this, about interconnectivity, but I am unfortunately very quite tired at this moment. As a parting thought though, I think one of the worst things our culture currently has is our attempts at secrecy. Even more so the fact that its neccesary to survive right now. We all are wired to be open, social creatures in our own way, yet there is no option to follow the nature of the body/mind/spirit. 

One last reminder. Pandora IS earth. Try to see it, think about it. Try to see the parrelllel. I am absolutely convinced and certain that it is there.

On that note I must go collapse. Good night

child_of_the_fae: (Default)
In the past few months since around November I've been taking classes with a group called Aegis Consulting. The class itself is a presentation of the tactics and considerations to take both within a combat/fight environment as well as how it practically applies to every day life. 

In this past class the topic came up about the importance of having a goal in life. This then traveled into how and why a life goal is rather crucial to having a successful life. 

Ever since this I've been heavily considering where it is that I want to direct my life, and really what it is that I want to achieve. At this point I've made many attempts at various different arts to certain degrees of success. Then there comes up as well the varying decisions of careers. Simply put though this can all be summarized as me fumbling around with a vague concept/s but no actual decision or direction. 

At least for this particular moment I am wanting to make a more concrete definition of where it is I want my life to go, and what I want to do with it for that matter. Unfortunately this is no mean task and I've certainly had my work cut out for me. 

So far for what it's worth I seem to have an overarching theme connecting most if not all the actions I've taken in my life on a grand scale. In a very vague sense and also misusing of the term I am looking for independence. Unfortunately the term is still too broad to really touch what it is that I want to accomplish.

The truth is I am rather fond of utilities, internet, etc etc. So I am not too interested in going off the grid completely.  I like the idea of fresh food and living in my own corner of the world, but frankly I don't think I want to be spending all my time harvesting crops/repairing buildings/etc.

If I had to emphasis what I am thinking about it would be that I want to be financially at a point of not having to worry about money, period. On top of that I want to have the time to pursue improving myself. I'll figure out what to do from there, but right now thats where I want to get at. I don't necessarily think it will make me happy, but it will at least give me something to achieve and I do think it will improve how i feel about my current situation. 

Either way it's time for me to get heading to bed, but I did want to at least get this written down. As a quick aside as for the title I am currently fighting off what appears to be the flu >_>.

Thanks for reading
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Ok I couldn't help but do this one. Actual post impending.

Were I a summonable monster, what kind of ritual would you craft to summon me? (Include items to lure monster-me and method for said fell ritual.)


Nov. 25th, 2009 04:48 pm
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So I've been reading a bit too much Cory Doctorow recently. In part though its rather inspired me to get back into blogging. In part this has been a tool for me to document my own life. I think though more and more I have been restricting what I blog about. The idea's I have and overall the content itself to improve my political correctness.

If I really think about it, and it really doesn't take that much thought. It easy to realize that my blog has never been politically correct or sterile. In all reality if I keep choosing to lock up my blog and never post except in the rarest circumstance, it will be a mere fragment of my life. Quite frankly I don't want that to by my record. Let alone that this is does no justice to the ideas which I hold.

By the way for those who are feeling quirky, or at least interested in what I've been reading as of late check out the following.

The Abolition of Work (there is an article coming up on this one)

Check out the free downloads for the next 2 books too. Creative Commons FTW
Down and Out in The Magic Kingdom, By Cory Doctorow
Makers, By Cory Doctorow (this is the one I am on right now)

I am giving some serious thought to the possibility of some combination of either a capitalist mixture of a gift economy, or at the very least a way of restructuring the work process. But that will come up later.

Catch you all later


Nov. 2nd, 2009 12:11 pm
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
I'm alive

My trip has been postponed indefinitely for a variety of reasons.
  •     G/F
  •     Lack of Funds
  •     Unfortunate family problems
  •     I am overall needed here right now

I am going to be starting up classes in january if all goes well for massage therapy. It will be a 16 week course and I'll be coming out with a certification that will allow me to practice legally in michigan.

I am hosting an energy work class/workshop/cuddlepile at my apartment monthly. When there are enough people we may start rotating the group so that different people don't have to drive so far every time. If you would like to attend please contact me for details.

Please if you don't see me post here more regularly, feel free to poke at me, as I often have just been forgetting.

TTYAL and awesome if your still reading this ;)

child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Goodness me, a lot has happened since I last posted an update. I have to wonder if I can manage to hook up a shock collar to a timer when I go so long after not posting.

For starters a little bit after my last post I managed to get my bike for the most part road worthy and working well. However the immediate day after I finished maintenance I wrecked the poor girl. Fortunately I didn't need hospital time(though I probably chipped a bone or two) and the bike is in repairable condition.  I also ended up with a chunk of road rash and plenty of bruises, but in the scheme of things I came out with very little damage.

The quick version of it is I let the clutch out too quickly at a stop when it was raining and dark out and lost traction on some bad pavement. I lost traction and met the pavement a couple times over the course of getting my bike off the road as she wasn't ridable after.

Either way I am hoping to fix her up soon and get riding soon, but all in time.

So off from the topic of the bike. Things with Chrystal have been going rather well. We've been doing rather well for each other and all in all I am in a rather happy place with the relationship. As a a random excerpt, she recently brought me some roses for no reason except just cause, completely out of the blue. I have to admit I probably teared up a little ;), it was rather quite sweet.

On the topic of my trip, I've been preparing as best I can for everything. Money is still rather tight in trying to get ready but its getting better bit by bit. I am still at my job working as a sys admin as Chrystal talked me into staying there through september. It's been both exciting but also stressful getting ready for everything. In reality though Is till feel like this trip is something that is essential as a thing that needs to happen in my life. Even if it is scary as all crapola.

I am still taking request for people who want me to visit while I'm on my way. Unfortunately it's looking like I will probably have to cut the canadian portion of my trip (sorry you guys, I don't have time to rush in a passport it looks like). However things are planned so far for NYC, NJ, MA, GA, FL, and possibly NC. Depending on how things go in Florida I may reroute the trip some time november-decemberish and also drop by and visit the west coast. So Don't assume that just cause your far away I can't visit :).

I've been having some thoughts recently about what contortion is doing in my life, and how much benefit and how much harm it is doing to me. I am also reaching a point that although I love doing performance, I have doubts on how well I would be able to consistently produce my own work and keep things fresh and exciting. I am much more suited to choosing a specific act or skill and working it through to a refined state.

Part of the meanderings of my mind have been that I know that I can't do performance forever, that eventually my body will either break, burn out, or simply for that matter become too old to be aesthetically pleasing in that role. I've been considering and even dabbled a bit into supporting myself with my skills as a psychic. I had some decent results with doing my readings, but I also want to get involved in possibly doing more energy work for people like cleansing area's and healing work. Problem is that gets into a touchy area of asking money for said skills, which overall tends to be frowned on as a practice. Not to mention I am a bit lost on where to even start building a clientelle.

For now though there doesn't seem to be any definite answers. But it will certainly be an adventure for it all to unfurl.

I should also mention that I am going to try posting more pictures up here over time, but we'll see how that goes. For now though I am going to get my ass to bed.

Goodnight everyone
child_of_the_fae: (Default)
EDIT: Gah... the list just keeps growing >_>

Well this is primarily to serve as a reference to myself.

I went riding today for a little bit and ended up messing up practicing tight curves. (think figure 8's) I didn't drop the bike but I did end up jaming my shoulder pretty good. So I ended up calling it a day a bit earlier than I normally do. Did only about half an hour of riding instead of my hour-2 hours I've been doing.

I decided that I wanted to spend some time taking a look at the health of my bike and see what needs to be done so far and what can be done to clean things up.

I have to say I definitely have my work cut out for me. So far this is my upcoming todo list:

*change oil
*change oil filter
*change fuel filter
*remove fuel tank and finish current inspection  (my list will probably double in size after this part)
*replace a decent a couple lines that are showing wear or have paint on them
*reroute carburator hoses and electrical wiring(one of the last owners wired things according to "well this sorta fits" instead of the manufacture design)
*probably replace chain, or at the very least relube
*remove road gunk from massive amounts of the frame and block and probably relube
*relube cluch cable
*check(possibly replace) air filter
*check(possibly replace) spark plugs

somewhere in here I want to eventually also replace the majority of the plastic on my bike as the person who did the old paint job really FUBARed some of the plastic when it comes to where things snap in. So far it doesn't look like the bike as been laid down, or if it was it didn't bend the frame. This is promising. Oh and although the color is fantastic the quality is poor and it looks like they never sanded things down or properly buffed the paint after.

Fairing parts to replace or need work:
replace Rear left fairing (improper installation damage)
replace Rear Right Fairing (improper installation damage)
Paint and install Lower Fairing
Replace upper fairing (looks like someone crunched the fairing at some point)

Someone did not love my bike as much as I love it, this makes me sad.

So anyway, I unfortunately wasn't able to catch the bike mechanics class that is local to here. I'm definitely going to bug some of my mech. savy friends as I visit them through the country, but is there anyone local here that wants to help me work on my bike?

I am just very glad that this is work that needs to be done on a bike and not a car. I get the feeling that parts are going to be a lot more affordable then otherwise would be. Also the majority of the current work that needs to be done isn't part replacement but mostly going through and cleaning things up.

Well thats all for now.

child_of_the_fae: (Default)

I've gone through a lot of crazy these in my life. I mean truly honestly batshit "what the hell" type experiences. I've lost an older sibling at age six walking in on him being dead. I've been in a house raid with AK-47's and AR's all over the place. I've been in a number of serious car crashes without a scratch. I went to nearly as many high schools as years in high school. I have traveled tens of thousands of miles in my life. I have performed on stage, and I've even transcended the lines between gender to follow what I feel was the right route for me.

In all these experiences, of all these crazy things that usually should only occur in books or television I've found that the most exciting and envigorating thing I've come across yet is riding motorcycle. It is truly unique and also probably one of the hardest and scariest things I've ever undertaken. It is sometimes said that no sane man or woman would EVER decide to ride a motorcycle and continue to do it. In all honesty I believe that this is an accurate statement. The choice to ride a motorcycle is -not- a logical one no matter how one defends it.

Yet here I feel a calling to ride one. There is an inherently emotional factor to it. It is extremely dangerous though, regardless of emotional attachment. Thousands of people die every year on a motorcycle, either due to intoxication, error, or otherwise some sort of factor. Getting on a motorcycle and truly being aware of the risk means being aware that you are risking your life.

As I've said though, riding a motorcycle has been one of the most strongly impacting factors on my life to date. It routed a discipline in me that I've very rarely exercised on anything else. I can count the number of times on one hand that I have willingly sat down and studied a piece of literature with everything I had to make sure I assimilated it all. It calls me from being so recluse in my current living arrangement and to step outside and reconnect with nature. It has even been a social equalizer and has made tremendous bounds in balancing my social anxiety and feelings in regards to that. When you have ridden at 45MPH with only a few inches to spare between yourself and the ground, it really puts in perspective the world we live in.  

I've heard stories of people going into the armed forces and being transformed by it. Likewise there are many other venues and other experiences people have undergone to experience a similar catharsis and refinement of personality. However I have to say that for me right now riding motorcycle is simply and purely the most "right" thing for me to do that I know.

If nearly any friend of mine walked up to me and asked me if I wanted them to start riding motorcycle, I would look them square in the eye and tell them absolutely not. In the same line of action though, if they still went through it, I would welcome them to the community with open arms as a fellow rider as others have done for me.

I am rambling on now, but if i had to leave with a message it would be if you want to be a rider, do it for you and not a single other person.



child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Good Gravy I seriously need to get a routine down so I don't have these seemingly huge chunks in between my post.

So here is the quick quick version of whats going on in my life.

*In two weeks I'll be putting in my one month resignation where I currently work
*After much hard work this past weekend I managed to receive my motorcycle endorsement
*on the same note I also purchased my first bike, I'll be putting up a picture of my girl soon.
*I completely broke my bank account for a bit to do the above, but it was so so worth it.(and yes I have proper gear)
*unrelated to bike I have a new g/f officially now. Her name is Chrystal, she is a sweetheart. (for those wondering, It's a poly arrangement)
*My birthday went fantastic earlier thanks to many wonderful friends and Family.
*I updated the firmware on my phone to 3.0.

I think this summarizes my life pretty quickly and well. A few upcoming points
*Might have a performance in august doing a voudeville type thing
*another potential performance at Pagan Pride
*potentially working at Mich Ren Fest this year(hopefully).
*I have two hopeful places to crash during my interim before leaving mid-october. This is good.
*I need to downsize my stuff substantially, people who wish to help contact me.

Thats all for now folks. Maybe I'll quit being lazy soon and actually post something beyond just quick quick summaries.

BTW this is my new bike. <3

Thats all for now

child_of_the_fae: (Default)
Alright so I am going to put a disclaimer on this little post. For those of you who do not want to read about my sex life, or my reviews involving things with it. Do NOT read this post. I could care less if you do, but if you choose to, don't come running to me because it made you uncomfy.

That happiness aside, for all those who want to know a snipet of a new addition to my sex life, read ahead.

OMy It's Evolved )

Hope you all enjoyed ^_~

child_of_the_fae: (Default)

My goodness, I think I am actually getting a post in before the full blown 2 week mark. I am going to take that as a sign of improvement and ignore the fact that this is going to just be another monster post.

Well To be honest things with work have been relatively quiet at work, much to my gratitude. Namely I would attribute it to the fact that my boss has been out of the office this week which has made things substantially more bearable and easy going.

On a spiritual note my modifications to my shields and filters has impacted things in a rather good way. I am able to withstand and deal with a lot more and overall I am holding my boundaries in ways that even a month or two ago I would have had a great deal of difficulty with. One positive thing I have to say about this place is that it’s fantastic for training those shielding muscles.

On a tech oriented note with this, the big change I made was the imagery I was using. Instead of going with the classic new age "colored light" or even using other people’s imagery. Instead I used a more bio/organic view using the shadow stuff that I sometimes see my energy body constructed of, and that made a rather huge difference. (for my geek/energy worker readers, think of it sort of as a combination between venom's symbiot and Alucards shadow stuff from hellsing.... yes I'm a geek what of it? :P)

Gypsy Alexa Tour 2009-???
I've noticed that I haven't made any official record as far as I can tell on LJ of this. Basically I am going to be leaving Michigan sometime around mid October after ConClave. This will almost definitely involve me leaving my current place of employment and surviving off from street performance and the like.

At first I'll be doing a solo trip to visit a number of people that I've needed to meet with for quite a while. In addition to this I'll also be doing some side trips to help do some outreach involving the Kherete project. Though that’s still rather quite tentative.

So far states that I'll be visit on the east coast version will be Vermont, New York, New Jersey, Maryland North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida. For those of you who read this and want me to drop by, speak up to get on the list. I'll need places to crash on the way too so feel free to speak up heh.

The travel down time I am giving is about a month to get all the way down to Florida to visit people. After I arrive in Florida I am thinking I'll probably spend a month down there. That will bring me to the time of ConFusion 2010. I'll be heading back up for that and then from there be heading out west with another friend and current roommate tentatively to do some traveling performance. The places currently marked for a likely visit out west are New Mexico, (possibly New Orleans), and Austin TX. Eventually I may swing out to visit Denver and AZ folks if they want the company.  These are just the tentative plans though. More to come on this as things develop.

Psychic Fair Readings
I've been rather pleased with how things have been going with the readings, and I'll probably sign up for at least a few more weekends to do shows. It's been a fantastic training ground and I have also recently started finally making a profit. So quite simply things are looking promising. They started off a bit slow on the first day, but I had a very definite feeling that it was to give me a chance to get use to how everything worked at the fair and know the people.

I will post upcoming fair dates and more info as I confirm them.

WorldCon 2009 dream goes poof
The title is pretty self explanatory. It's looking like making worldcon work isn't really going to happen sadly. I was really looking forward to working with K and seeing what could be made to make a touring group work. There is still a small chance things could change to allow for it to happen. At this very moment though hopes for making it happen at the moment are a bit dim.

Mich Ren Fair 2009
So far I've been toying with the idea of working Mich Ren fest this year. I am going to be putting in an application to Pendragons clothing and see if I can get in working with them. Some of the benefits being that it will be good training for working on my presentation skills and they do pay. The downside to this is I wouldn't be able to work the psychic fairs at the same time, but I do think it is a worthwhile trade. As with so many other things right now more news on this is TBA, but looking hopeful on this one.

Romance Update
Things have been rather eventful in this realm of things, and I would be remiss to not mention it. Things with Rhys have gone well, and I've considered pursuing something more serious with her. However I have a lot to sort out with this including the fact that I am leaving state for a decently long time. Although I was originally very cautious about things with her, she has grown on me over time.

As for things with Shiny, she has been rather busy. Though it is good busy it means that I haven't gotten to really talk to her much. This does make me sad, though with luck she'll be back online in another week or two. I would definitely like to hang out again some time, though arranging a meet up just now doesn't seem very feasible for a number of reasons. 

Finally and certainly not least K has been rather exceptionally busy. Plus her net has been acting up quite a bit. Things two combined have led to a good deal of distance which has been rather sad. Though I recently had the opportunity to introduce her to Second Life which she was rather quite amused with. It also gave us some much appreciated hang out time. I would definitely like to spend more time with her, but for now I'll take what I can get as she is generally super busy.

Bellybutton Piercing
So I've been giving some serious thought to my next bodymod. So far a bellybutton piercing is on the top of the list of what to get piercing next. What are peoples thoughts on this?(and yes I am doing it for myself, but I also like other peoples thoughts on the matter to help balance out my own views).

Well I think this wraps up this months bi-monthly update, here's hoping that I'll get another post up next week.
Till Then TTYAL


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